A panickless panic attack

Today was not s great day in general. Back at work after a long weekend, doing my own job with two members of my team gone whilst covering a job I have little experience in and being expected to teach this job to a new person. Not to mention being the port of call for four other new staff member’s queries. 

I know my job inside out and I’m good at it, but having so many people relying on you when you’re already feeling on edge does not a good day make.

So anxious morning, low motivation in the afternoon, half my lunch break spent hiding in the toilets left me feeling more than a little worn out. As I left work I could feel a gnawing emptiness eating at me, I text my boyfriend saying I may need some extra caring when I got back. Then missed my train and had to wait half an hour for the next.

As I was stood outside the station waiting for my train the aching in my chest became more physical than emotional. It kept building and building. I no longer felt sad or anxious or anything but I felt like I was about to have a heart attack. My chest felt physically cold and like my heart had been removed. Shortness of breath, dizziness and weakness came next until I was sure I was going to collapse right there. 

I got to my train and could’ve sworn I was in the early stages of a stroke. I couldn’t think and my whole body refused to function. I felt like I was about to die. I thought I was going to collapse in Tesco buying cat food, and a hundred times on the walk home. 

My boyfriend met me halfway and carried the shopping (bless his heart, I’d be lost without him). I was sweating but felt icy inside. 

I feel better now after sitting down and eating but now feel bone tired. It was all the symptoms of an intense panic attack but I never once felt panicked or worried or anxious. It came on so quickly and strongly it was terrifying. I’ve never experienced it before. 

I’m now in bed and feel like I could never get out again. Anyone else experienced this? 

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5 thoughts on “A panickless panic attack

  1. Most of my panic attacks are like this; it’s almost as if I’m a separate body and emotions, there’s a strange part of me observes what I’m experiencing and tries to analyse an emotion in there, but it seems to be an all consuming physical reaction. I find counting helps, really focusing on the number of steps I’m taking, the number of floor tiles I can see (not counting breaths, that tends to make me breathe strangely)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have quite a lot of panic attacks. They’ve all been pretty scary. However, about a month ago I was woken up because of a panic attack. It was all of the symptoms of one just without the anxious or any ‘real’ meaning behind it. I spoke to my therapist and she said that sometimes that can happen. I was so scared. I’m sorry that you experienced this. I hope that you’re feeling better.
    – Hannah
    (www.paintmeasmile.co.uk)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, I can relate to this too, you’re definitely not alone in this. A lot of my physical symptoms of panic attacks can be very strong, like chest pains,racing heart and feeling very weak and dizzy. I hope you are feeling better

    Liked by 1 person

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