Drowning

Every now and then, every couple of days at least, it gets really bad. Today is one of those days.

I feel like I’m drowning. This horrible sad emptiness overcomes me like a wave and I try everything to keep it at bay. Dance, talk, walk, run but it gets me eventually. It buries me and seeps into me until it’s all I can see and all I can feel. There’s nothing else but this feeling, its all that’s left. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I cant do anything. I pinch and scratch myself to try to snap my self out of it but I can’t. I just can’t.

What is this? There’s that word hanging over me that I’m too scared to say aloud. I feel like I’m making it all up or being dramatic. But I have to ask myself it. Am I depressed? It sure feels like it, I have that feeling, like nothings matters, theres no point to life or anything and there never will be. But who am I to say I have the actual problem, I cant label myself as depressed just because I have all the symptoms. But I cant exactly go to a doctor and ask, I feel like a fraud myself and if I cant diagnose myself how could anyone else begin to? I don’t understand whats wrong with me. Am I just weak and pathetic, a loser at life. I feel like I’m losing. I can’t do anything.

I don’t know anything.

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